Why Mistakes are Hard to Admit

We have all worked with someone who will never admit a mistake. It is bamboozling as to why a colleague would spend the energy arguing that the sky is pink when they had clearly just made a mistake. The most pragmatic approach is to admit the mistake, apologise and present a solution to fix it, after all what recourse can be administered to you when you have determined a solution to the problem? Why is it, that not every one sees it that way?

The reason generally boils down to a phenomenon known as cognitive dissonance, when you know what it is and recognise when you or those around you may be experiencing it, it becomes invaluable in navigating workplace interactions. Cognitive dissonance is a mental discomfort that results from holding two conflicting beliefs, values or attitudes. When there is inconsistency between what people believe and how they behave, this causes them to seek to minimise the discomfort by acting in a way that reduces the inconsistency. For example: Danny believes that he is an excellent team member, but he got very frustrated by a member of his team and sent a rude email to his colleague and cc’d their manager. It is clear for all to see that Danny made a mistake by sending the email in anger but because he strongly believes he is a good team member and his actions had been so contrary to that belief he has two choices. He can either:

a) Look at the evidence admit he made a mistake to send the email, apologise and find a way to repair the relationship and navigate to a solution

b) Try to justify his actions by blaming the colleague because he “drove him to it” by being incompetent or blaming the boss because he is not managing the colleague well.

Carol Tavris, a co-author of the book “Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me).” Points out that cognitive dissonance threatens our sense of self. “To reduce dissonance, we have to modify the self-concept or accept the evidence,” Ms. Tavris said. The other option (generally the one taken) of course, is to justify your mistake.

Cognitive dissonance is uncomfortable, and everyone experiences it to some degree, in order to recognise it, there are some signs that you can look for:

• Feeling uncomfortable before doing something or deciding

• Trying to justify or rationalize a decision or action that you have made

• Feeling embarrassed about something you have done and trying to hide your actions from other people

• Experiencing guilt or regret about something you have done in the past

"Mistakes are always forgivable if one has the courage to admit them." - Bruce Lee -

I have known many managers who have considered it a weakness to admit a mistake. When coaching them through this thought process it eventually becomes apparent that to lead authentically you need to be honest and acknowledge that you are not perfect. What you ultimately must overcome is the cognitive dissonance you are experiencing. Another example of when you may experience cognitive dissonance is if you believe yourself to be a reliable and organised person and you forget to do something. You are faced with the choice:

a) Admit it and fix it

b) Justify why it was missed

In nearly every case option “a” is the easiest, quickest, and best solution however it requires you admit you made a mistake, and wrangle with the cognitive dissonance that presents. When it is obvious that a mistake was made, digging your heels in demonstrates your weakness of character rather than strength. Self-reflect, show vulnerability, admit your mistake and strive to improve, this will result in respect exponentially faster than trying to project perfection.